Sex Addiction: An Investigation

Saturday, 12 December 2009 20:24

Editorials - Did You Know

Disclaimer: The information is intended to inform and educate and is not a replacement for medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or treatment by a healthcare professional.

When you think of a sex addict, what comes to mind?

Typically, when someone thinks of a sex addict, they think of a person that:

• Pays for prostitutes
• Participates in cyber-sex
• Indulge in phone sex
• Has legal problems due to sexual harassment, obscene phone calls, prostitution, rape, or child molestation

[Deep sigh] … these are the obvious sex addicts. Many individuals are sex addicts and don’t even know it. In a NBC Dateline feature on sex addiction, here’s what 3 sex addicts had to say about their addiction, www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4302347:

Ferree (was a married woman), “At the time there is an incredible adrenaline rush. It’s a connection that I found I couldn't replicate anywhere else. But immediately after that experience is over, I mean driving back home, there is this incredible let down and you're just in a wash of shame. It wasn't so much about sex itself, but about the relationships I thought I could have by engaging in sex with acquaintances and friends. The sexual part was pleasurable and it was a nice byproduct for me, but that wasn't the most important thing. I was trying to get non-sexual needs met sexually and that was the only way I knew how to meet those needs.”

Mark Laaser (a minister and counselor, was married with children and an icon of respect), “ … I felt an emptiness, a loneliness that sex seemed to fill. It was just an excitement, a raw excitement -- kind of like what a drug addict would describe. It was just a high.”

Karen (30-something-single), “… almost as long as I can remember, I’ve been preoccupied with finding love. For years, this meant having sex several times a week with strangers I would pick up in bars, frequently putting myself in dangerous situations.”

Hmmm … don’t these 3 responses sound like something you would say … but you couldn’t be a sex addict right? The reality is this, anyone can become addicted to anything. It doesn’t have to be a drug addiction, which is an external chemical. One may be addicted to “internal chemicals” produced by your own body when you think specific thoughts with an associated action, over and over and over again … thus creating a permanent neuron pathway in your brain that must be continuously feed by your specific thoughts.

So how does a person become addicted to sex? Where & when does it start?

Out of all the varying ways an individual is 1st introduced to sex, there is no pinpoint way to determine who will over indulge in sex and who will not. Researchers say there may be certain genetic markers that indicate if someone will have a high sex drive or not.

** It’s believed that pornography, combined with regular masturbation, is the cornerstone for most sex addicts.

How do I know if I possibly have a sex addiction?

There is a huge difference in having a high sex drive and being “addicted” to sex. If you have a “high sex drive,” you can stop having sex and not physically, mentally or emotionally feel any negative effects from abstaining from sex. Now, if you are addicted to sex, you will have “withdrawal” symptoms … and will succumb to having sex. Additionally, Dr. Doug Weiss, a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist, says, “A person with a high sex drive is satisfied with sex. It's not about a fix for something; when their partner says "NO" it doesn't make them go off the handle thinking their partner is totally rejecting them and have to leave the house or act out in some other way.”

Is sex addiction about sex?

Dr. Patrick Carnes (a nationally known speaker on addiction and recovery issues) - “sex addiction is not about sex,  … that's the mistake people often make. It's really about pain … or escaping or anxiety reduction. It's a solution.”

Dr.Doug Weiss (a nationally known author, speaker and licensed psychologist.) - “sex addiction is a way some people medicate their feelings and/or cope with their stresses to the degree that their sexual behavior becomes their major coping mechanism for stresses in their life. The individual often can not stop this sexual behavior for any great length of time by themselves. The sex addict spends a lot of time in the pursuit of his or her sexual behavior/fantasy or they may have a binge of sexual behaviors.”